The Writing Life

While it might be appealing to go away to a writing retreat for a week or weekend, the reality is that you will probably write most of your book in the interstices of your life. But because you don’t want “Write book” to be something on your calendar that you see and dread, you will want to find ways to integrate it into your life so it’s easy to drop into and get your words out on the page.

Consider that writing a book is a new relationship you are entering into. The book is a place where you connect with your ideas and yourself. It’s a repository of your ideas and what you want for the world.

As women, we tend to be relationship focused, so let’s make that work for you and your book. Instead of thinking of your book as something that takes time away from your current relationships, consider it a new and exciting relationship that you get to devote time and attention to.

Think about your author self. She’s super smart but not intimidating. She’s the kind of person you want to be with because she always has something to say. Most of the time it’s good stuff, too, insights and observations that somehow bring light to your life. She has a way with words, that one!

She’s a great friend, and is always there when you want to connect. You can tell her anything. She can take it. She’s wise and because she knows you well, she can help you shift into new ways of thinking, being and acting. She’s that kind of friend that makes you feel like a better version of yourself just by spending time with her. How cool is that? You will love getting to know your author self.

Clients ask me if they can work on a book and another project at the same time. Maybe two books are vying for your attention. It’s easy to think we can spread our creative love around. Everyone has to discover this for themselves, and in my experience, it’s very hard to do our day-to-day roles and juggle two major projects at once. Every project we have going is like a burner on our stove cooking away. It may be on low, it may be on high, but it’s taking away from our ability to focus. It may not seem detrimental, but losing our precious focus because of many projects can really slow us down.

If you have a record of being able to drive multiple projects consistently over the finish line with your sanity intact, by all means go right ahead. But I suggest becoming a creative serial monogamist, finishing one project at a time so you can give each its due. Keep a file or notebook for all your other projects. Use the magic phrase “for now.” For now, I’m focusing on my book. For now, I’m setting aside other projects. For now, I’m in a monogamous relationship with my book.

Take good care of this relationship. Follow through with all the dates you set aside to write your book. The power of keeping those promises to yourself cannot be overstated. The more you show up for your book, the easier it will become to devote time to it. If you find yourself avoiding your book, ask yourself what it will take to get back in touch with it. You can always do a free-write about the current state of your relationship with your book.

Inquiry

What does a healthy relationship with your book and author self look like on your busiest week?

This is an excerpt from my book, The Busy Woman’s Guide to Writing a World-Changing Book. If you’re ready to write your book and want support along the way, this is the guide for you. Available wherever books are sold in paperback, e-book and audio book. Get your copy now.

Writing your book will require time, focus, attention, humility and courage. But your project will also give back. And not just when it’s finished. Throughout the process, you will slowly and subtly gain confidence. You will fall in love with your material all over again. You will enjoy how it feels to really know and share your expertise in this new way.

I believe that our creativity is the source of our vitality. When we are creating, we are tapping into our truest aliveness. We ignite our life energy when we create. We generate new energy. This energy feels so much better than the dread or pain of avoiding our writing. Quite frankly, this is the primary reason I coach authors. I want everyone to enjoy the aliveness that we generate when we are doing our creative work.

Now, here’s the weird thing. Usually, you won’t “feel” like writing. Your mind will trick you into thinking everything else is more important. That’s why we build structures around our writing so we don’t get lost in feelings or insecurities. We build a writing practice that helps us cross the river of resistance.

What if you had a reflection process that allowed you to feel the benefits of writing throughout the whole process? Simple, quick, but potent, capturing the vibe of the sessions will help you notice and savor more. The cool thing is you will begin to appreciate that working on your book is working you. You are writing this for others, but doing the work is having a positive impact on you. The first world you are changing is your own.

Exercise

Here’s a simple practice to help you notice the difference your writing is making in your life on a regular basis. At the end of each writing session, in your author notebook, jot down three words that describe how the writing session was for you. Don’t overthink this; just write three words that reflect your experience. You will certainly see a range of experiences on your list. Some days might be “slogging, hard, good” or “freeing, fun, challenging.” Keep a running list to witness how the writing is changing you.

This is an excerpt from my book, The Busy Woman’s Guide to Writing a World-Changing Book. If you’re ready to write your book and want support along the way, this is the guide for you. Available wherever books are sold in paperback, e-book and audio book. Get your copy now.

Bring to mind that feeling when you finish something. When something ends, you feel space open up. Like putting away the holiday decorations, completing a project at work or finishing a school year. You have time and energy to bring something else onto your plate. You also know the feeling of overwhelm, having too many things to manage.

Most of us juggle many priorities: children, work, home, significant other and more. It’s not easy to find space or bandwidth for our own projects. We also underestimate how much space things take, and I am not just talking about physical space. There’s also mental, physical and temporal space. We have a warped idea of how long things take. Most of us feel disappointed that we didn’t do as much as we wanted in any given week. What if we had more spaciousness? What if we could fit our projects into the time available and leave stress of over-committing behind?

When my clients come to me feeling overwhelmed, I ask them to identify their tipping point. When is it all too much? What obligations on your plate put you over the edge? Hopefully, with awareness, you can learn to stop committing before you are plunged into overwhelm.

I have had clients who added book writing to their agenda in the same year that they were either buying a new house, moving to a new country, moving parents out of a childhood home, getting a new job or moving across the country. Guess what happened to their books? They aren’t on the shelves of bookstores. They are sitting in computer files waiting for actual space and the commitment to be written. No amount of coaching could reduce the amount of space those other things were taking in my clients’ lives. It just wasn’t the right timing for them to write their book.

You have a full life too. You are busy. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make space to write your world-changing book. You may have heard of the “write your book in a weekend” workshops. The truth is, it’s going to take much longer than that to get your book written and into a form that’s ready to share with the world. Like renovation projects, your book will take longer and require more from you than you might expect.

The biggest mistake people make when getting ready to add a book to their plate is not removing obligations. Sometimes when I ask clients what they will put on hold, they stubbornly say, “Nothing!”

We have a skewed perception of how much we can actually do at any given time. The space in our imagination is vast—infinite, even. Yet the space we have in a day is, alas, limited. Our energy isn’t always full steam either. So we have to go with the flow of what’s manageable in any given week. We need to make space on our calendar for writing time, organizing, researching and all the other tasks associated with writing a book. Some things will contribute directly to our book. Clients, teaching, interacting with our book’s audience, networking at conferences. There may be volunteer obligations or other family obligations to set aside while writing the book.

Now, I am the last person to use the word “realistic.” I learned early on from a former yo-yo pro boyfriend (that’s right, yo-yo pro) that anything is possible—and I have seen all kinds of “unrealistic” things happen in my clients’ lives. I believe the word “realistic” exists largely to shut down innovation and creativity. But in assessing whether you have the space to write a book, you do want to bring in a dose of realism. The last thing I want for you is to add another stressor into your life. It’s okay if now isn’t the time to write your book. Setting yourself up with the space to succeed will build competence and confidence that will allow you to enjoy writing the book.

Exercise

Let’s take a look at your current commitments. Here’s an exercise my clients have found useful to see what they are committed to. I call it “Mind Mapping Your Plate,” based on the common phrase “so much on my plate.” Putting your obligations visually on one page can give an immediate sense of how much you are actually taking on.

Get a regular sheet of printer paper. On sticky notes or in drawn bubbles, jot down all the major projects and commitments you have over the next three months. They could include:

• Your day job or business (and number of hours/week).
• Special projects at work, like a promotion or a launch.
• Buying a home.
• Moving to another home, state or country.
• Parenting responsibilities, like kids’ extracurricular activities or sports events.
• Volunteer work.
• Travel plans.
• Social and recreational activities.
• Family obligations, like parents’ or siblings’ moves or other caretaking responsibilities.
• Household projects, such as renovating or gardening.

When you see all your current commitments on the page, it’s easy to get a true picture of your availability. This is where you may see what you can set aside while you write your book. As you go through your months writing, many opportunities will arise. How will you fend off more projects and keep your writing space intact? Sometimes we have to spell it out for ourselves. I once made a sign that says “Add No More.” When I pull it out and hang it in my writing space, it reminds me not to add more things to my plate.

Perhaps you thought that because of the title of this book, I would have a magic solution to help you write your book even when you are juggling other major projects. Yes, I can help you, and you will have to make time, space and focus for your book. Consider if this is the right time for you to take on another project.

Inquiry

Are you able and willing to commit space to making your book a priority?

This is an excerpt from my book, The Busy Woman’s Guide to Writing a World-Changing Book. If you’re ready to write your book and want support along the way, this is the guide for you. Available wherever books are sold in paperback, e-book and audio book. Get your copy now.

When I was promoting my novel, Chasing Sylvia Beach, I found a way to share the book’s message that didn’t feel like I was always shouting, “Buy my book!” Instead, I paired two things that are important to me: life-changing conversations and leadership. I love rich conversations that bring out new ways of thinking and being. In my work as a coach, I get to talk with people about what’s truly important to them. We dig deep to find the truth of their life and work and then seek ways to express that more on a daily basis.

Leadership is also important to me. I believe that creative people and women are leaders. We have experiences that differ from the male experience. Now more than ever, we have the opportunity to initiate conversations to make the world a better place.

A book can serve as a conversation leader and an emissary, bringing your message to the world and leading the conversations you want to have. Women are being called to speak up and speak out like never before. Our voices and ideas are needed to help build a new way of being. And it’s never been easier to write a book and get it out into the world.

When you think about your book, return to your rallying cry. Conversations and leadership matter to me. What matters to you?

At the core of your book are the things you care about deeply. Your book holds the key to the change you want to see in the world. There are many reasons to write a book, among them:

• To share your work with a larger audience.
• To claim your authority in your field so you can attract more opportunities.
• To tell the story that changed your life so it inspires others.

Each of these reasons is valid and may motivate you to write.

I found it helpful to have a reason connected to one of my core values—a reason that got me excited to do the work of writing and promoting, even when it felt scary. For me, it is about starting conversations, and a book is a conversation starter. My values of communication and life-changing conversations allowed me to think of the themes in my novel in a different way. When it came time to write articles and guest posts about my book, it was much easier to come from the place of initiating a discussion rather than marketing my book and trying to get someone to buy it.

Saying you are an author and sharing the content of your book leads to conversations that you want to have. Our conversations can change the way we think, what we believe and how we act. The world has plenty of problems that need solutions. They need you, a woman with something to say, to take the lead and offer your insights and expertise. Write your book. Lead the conversation.

Exercise

Make a list of the conversations that might spring up around the topics in your book. What do you want to be sure to talk about when discussing the book? These ideas can also be used as talking points when preparing for interviews about the book. Add to this list throughout the process of writing the book.

This is an excerpt from my book, The Busy Woman’s Guide to Writing a World-Changing Book. If you’re ready to write your book and want support along the way, this is the guide for you. Available wherever books are sold in paperback, e-book and audio book. Get your copy now.