Bad news: You’re not ‘good enough’

I’ve noticed that many of us suffer from the ‘not good enough’ illusion when it comes to our writing, creativity, and heck, life in general. We’re all trying to prove something to someone that we are worthy. Is this true for you? If so, read on.

It’s absolutely valid that there are standards of excellence that must be met in life. Applying for school, becoming a doctor or engineer or architect, yes, you have to exhibit a certain level of skill there. There’s a clear bar and yes, you have to rise to it.

But with writing and art – what’s the exact metric for ‘good’? When we are writing, we may feel in the flow. But soon enough doubt creeps in and tells us crappy things like ‘this sucks. Who would care about this?’

The reason you are not ‘good enough’ is not because you are untalented or unskilled. It’s because you haven’t taken the time to define ‘good’ for yourself. ‘Good’ is an ambiguous target that you’ll never reach because it’s not about a level of craft. Instead, it’s about your ego’s demands to be liked, accepted, and validated.

If you’ve ever won a prize or gotten kudos for your work, and felt great for a moment, then that was followed quickly by your inner critic pointing out how that feedback doesn’t validate you, you will know what I am talking about. No matter how ‘good’ you are or successful, that voice will jump in to trample your creative gains in the mud.

Imagine me saying these things to you after a creative win:

Yes, you got that newsletter out but it wasn’t as good as you’d like it to be.

Sure you wrote for an hour, but you didn’t get as much drafted as you hoped for.

Yea, you got into that art show but you didn’t get any feedback or sales.

That’s great that you painted today but the work isn’t really what you want it to be.

These are the things you say to yourself because you never let your efforts be good enough. If you heard those things from me as your coach, you’d fire me! Or maybe you’d keep me on board because I collude with your inner critic and the part of you that can’t let yourself have even a teeny weeny gain.

Another challenge is that when we are working on something, we simply don’t have what I call critical distance. We are not able to judge in the moment whether something is good enough. Your inner critic takes over the mic and you come to believe that’s the whole story.

These are the voices in my clients’ heads that I am honored to listen in on every day. I don’t collude with their inner critic. Instead, I invite new perspectives so the creative process feels empowering and enjoyable. 

What do we do with this persistent need to prove we are ‘good enough’? If you’re in the phase of the process that’s not reliant on other’s responses such as submitting your book for publication or your art for review, there are ways you can work with this issue. Here’s what I suggest if you suffer from the ever-moving target of good enough.

First, define your ‘good’. Identify where you are in the process. Are you hacking away at the first draft? ‘Good’ might be just getting ink on the page. Later drafts might need a different metric. Focus on the craft of writing.

What makes for compelling passages? Engaging sentences, authentic voice, and dramatic tension are a few elements of craft you could measure. Does the writing flow? Is it moving me as I write it? As the writer, am I engaged on a deep, emotional, visceral level or am I skating on the surface with clever phrasing?

Ask yourself: What constitutes ‘good’ for the piece you are working on? And don’t let the inner critic aka perfectionist demand too much in the early stages. A piece needing to be excellent right away is like expecting your toddler’s first steps to be elegant and swift. Our first and even second or third attempts are full of stumbles and places to learn. You’re growing.

Another way to get past ‘good’ is to savor the process rather than the outcome. Most creative projects are a long game and take years to complete. If you are constantly operating on a tank of ‘not good enough’, you won’t have enough fuel to make it to the finish line.

How does it feel to show up for your project? What benefits or changes do you notice in yourself when you dedicate yourself on the regular to your creative work? In my workshops, I invite people to do a simple but powerful reflection process. Ask yourself: how was that for me? Then jot down three words at the end of a session. Keep a list of your reflections. Over time you will have a true picture of the real value to you of doing your creative work. This can replace an ambiguous goodness that you’ll never attain. You can finally feel some satisfaction in the process.

Make ‘good enough’ an inside job. You’ve done well when you show up consistently. You’re good enough when you put in the hours. You’re good when you let yourself ‘go there’ to be honest in your work. You’re ‘good’ when you show willingness to be humble and learn. You are enlivened because you are honoring your values at a deep level when you show up for the work, even when the outside world doesn’t see or validate your efforts.

Do you suffer from never feeling ‘good enough’? Share below what has helped you overcome this insidious creative challenge.