In The Busy Woman’s Guide to Writing a World-Changing Book, I talk about how to commit to a monogamous relationship with your book while writing it. Framing it as a relationship seems to help my clients.
We all know how exciting and fun the initial phases of a project is. Early ideation is thrilling. There’s often such a sense of rightness, of things clicking into place in our minds. It’s almost like we can see and feel the whole thing. Like the book already exists and our job is to pull it into form, one word, one sentence at a time.
These early days are heady, and the sense of possibility is intoxicating. This thrill is something we come to expect as the norm. But like any relationship, the honeymoon phase does end.
Drafting the book turns into revising the book. And here’s where it gets a little less fun. Editing is a different process than drafting. We confront our limitations as writers. We bump into confusion, and feel awkward as we wend our way toward clarity. Doubt seeps into the process, turning something we loved into something we may dread.
I remember this roller coaster of love for every book I have written. I remember being in the tub at the time I was writing my first book, thinking, oh, I need to put that thing in the book. But when I went to the manuscript, I had already put that in there. All the ideas I wanted to share felt like a swirly, jumbled mess.
Writing my novel took twelve years and seventeen drafts. It wasn’t all love and roses. It was humbling as I learned how to write a novel by actually doing it.
What I have learned, and what I teach my clients, is to look for the love in all the phases of the process. What’s to love about getting feedback and realizing there’s more work to do than you anticipated? Where’s the love in revising something so it truly speaks to what and how you want to communicate?
These phases of the process call us forth. They challenge is. It might not feel as thrilling as the initial idea, but there’s plenty to love there. When you find yourself bumping up against your limitations, ask yourself this: What’s to love here?
What helps you keep the love alive throughout all the phases of a project? Share your thoughts below.
I can’t wait to read your book, Cynthia!
I am definitely in the ‘all the hot sex has stopped and now I’ve noticed you leave wet towels on the bed’ phase. That’s a chapter you cover, right?
Thanks, Sas!
I know that feeling all too well. I love the way you put it – so much zest and humor there.
Indeed, I do cover this in the book. A lot of my book does deal with the emotional labor of making a book, alongside the practical parts of how to write it.
Keep going – look for what’s to love in this part of the process and you will find something.
Yes, all you wrote here was exactly what we needed to hear.
I fall in and out of writing .
I fall in and out of love with a lot of other relationships, interests, pursuits etc.
But whatever matters to me I come back to. Writing really matters and I need to stay with the harder sides of it. The harder sides give me the joys and allow my voice to be heard.
I do have something I want to say.
I think what I am so scared of is that in continuing, in editing , in having a piece complete, I Will be seen.
My truths will be expressed in writing and will be clear.
I want to be seen and heard while fearing I will be seen and heard.
Thank you! Cynthia!
Hi Aimee,
I love that you know that you must write. You do have something to say!
It’s common to have that push/pull – want to share but not wanting to be seen. That’s why it’s helpful to start by writing for yourself. Give yourself space to write without worrying how others will see it or you.
You are the first person who gets to see YOU through your writing. You will grow and learn so much just through the act of writing. First, your world will change. Then, others’.
Keep writing!
You’ve made me think about my book I started writing last June and until recently it felt like trudging through muck. But the last 6-weeks it has been flowing much easier as I’m now going through it a second time. While I’m relishing in this phase of seeing it coming together in a more cohesive way, I’m also recognizing the emotional work it took me to write that first draft – and I’m seeing how far I’ve come to being okay writing and eventually sharing this book. Definitely for me I had to first see a part of myself that was difficult, but as I’ve moved through that it no longer has the charge it had to it and so the writing flows with more ease. A gift that has helped me heal in many ways, so yes, each part of the process a gift in one way or another.
P.S. I love your new header for your newsie!