He’s busy inside your mind, squirreling away on a treadmill that never ceases. “Again!” he cries, never satisfied. “Better!” he urges, and you comply, re-working that sentence, re-painting that corner.
Proudly perfect - but happy?
He is Mr. Perfect, and if he rules you, your creativity is at high risk. Your perfectionism gremlin is actually not helping you – he’s draining your creative vitality.
Mr. Perfect is a sneaky gremlin. He has you convinced that perfectionism is a good thing, that re-working something endlessly means you have integrity and high artistic standards.
The problem is, more often than not, Mr. Perfect grinds away at you for so long that you end up never completing that draft or that sculpture. Because it’s never perfect, you never feel satisfied and you don’t advance your creative career.
Mr. Perfect tries to dominate my clients’ creative process. They proudly and sheepishly proclaim that they are perfectionists, sensing Mr. Perfect isn’t good for them, but feeling unable to escape his grip.
Why do we labor under this illusion of an attainable perfection?
- It’s easier to keep working on something than to brave the (potentially negative) response of the world.
- It’s easier to belabor something than to accept the natural cycle of creativity, which is more about ebb and flow than peck, peck, peck.
- We do hold high standards; we just didn’t know when to stop accept enough is enough. We mistake perfection for quality.
Pause for a moment and reflect on this statement: There is no such thing as perfect.
Perfection doesn’t exist. People aren’t perfect. Perfection as an external ideal simply isn’t real. Mr. Perfect is a BS machine – and he’s holding you back.
What feels 'perfect' is subjective - you decide.
Perfection – a sense of rightness, a crystallization of energy, a confluence of elements – is merely a subjective opinion. When we work toward perfection as some outside ideal, we strive and strive and never arrive. We’re trying to please someone else – a dealer, and editor, an audience, or, truth be told, our parents.
Free yourself from Mr. Perfect’s dominance
How to escape the tyranny of Mr. Perfect? Try these practices to release yourself from an unattainable standard.
First, admit you are under the thumb of Mr. Perfect. Admit that his relentless treadmill is driving you, and it’s not taking you anywhere you want to go.
Second, identify your standards. Ratcheting down from perfect doesn’t mean you don’t have criteria for good work. Get clear on what is acceptable work for you. What’s ‘good enough’?
Third, develop your criteria for what works in a piece. Get clear on the felt or perceived sense of when a piece is complete. Use criteria that reflects both the demands and standards of your genre and your own inner compass, that feeling that indicates satisfaction.
Write these critera down, distill them in a mantra, and keep them nearby for when you find yourself gerbil wheeling again and again over the same sentence, brush stroke or line.
External commitments can help. When I first began publishing my newsletter, it was terrifying to complete an article and press ‘send’. But I’d developed a publishing schedule, and I was more committed to honoring that than to hiding my work in the safety and privacy of my office.
Sweet relief!
My clients feel immense relief when they give themselves permission to liberate themselves from the tyranny of Mr. Perfect. With clear – and attainable – standards for excellence, they feel free to enjoy their art, instead of being held hostage by impossible demands.
How do you hold high standards that don’t choke you? How willing are you to release yourself from Mr. Perfect? Share your triumphs over your own Mr. Perfect.
Other exercises to liberate your creativity await you in my upcoming Make Writing a Happy Habit class, May 16 – June 24, 2011. Join bloggers, artists and writers to let of perfect to embrace happy.
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This is the root of why I pull all-nighters to get projects completed on time…… because when there is a severe time crunch there is *no time to second-guess myself or my instincts*. I HAVE to get it done, so I do. And it feels great.
I’d really like to figure out how to get that result without waiting until the last minute. I can have 6 months to work on a project and work on it regularly, diligently – and it isn’t any better than the one I threw together in 48hours with no sleep. WHY?! Because I have 6 months to do and re-do and question….
And this is the BETTER me! I’ve come a long way, but still have so far to go!
Joy,
A lot of people are very committed to this last-minute approach. I’ve heard it described as ‘forced focus’. When you’re down to the wire, you have no other options but to suck it up and do the work. I personally don’t thrive in stressful environments like that. I prefer the thrill of being done ahead of time.
In terms of how to do it in six months’ time – for me, I’d probably start working on it four months in. (Depending on what it is and if there’s a marketing lead-time involved.) I’d do my multiple revisions and then let it go. I always have several projects going at once, so it’s easier to complete things and move to the next project rather than have a bunch of unfinished threads hanging out there.
Of course, whatever works for you. Some people like stress like this. I do not. Glad to know you’re growing and improving! And, you’re perfect as you are. 😉
I think of ‘mr perfect’ as one of the balls I juggle. Within that, he has a rhythm…. he may be ‘up’ for a while, and then he isn’t. He gets back in the circle as a well-dressed reminder of my deepest potential.
A shift in attitude was my biggest change towards making ‘mr perfect’ my ally. This involves (it’s an ongoing thing!)an actual conscious shift in the words I use and thoughts I think:
….1) substituting the word ‘excellence’ whenever I say or think ‘perfection’. There is a kindness and an open, even exploratory, flow to the word ‘excellence’. ‘Excellence’ gives permission to create whatever needs to be born, without judgement.
….2) ‘Allow’, rather than ‘expect’.
….3) Adopted the phrase ‘deadlines are my friends’.
….4) Lighten up!
Thanks for this excellent article, Cynthia. Your words are timely!
best,
erika
Erika,
Wow, thanks for contributing your ‘perfection’ strategies. I love how you’ve learned to reframe things. You show how much of it is working our minds and not so much our actions.
I particularly like the ‘allow’ one. I’m breathing easier just reading it. And the reminder to lighten up! YES! Thank you!
Wow. This really hit home for me. I’ve been a “perfectionist” for as long as I can remember, but the truth is, there is often something deeper going on. For me, I think it’s fear of the universe’s response — negative and/or positive — that sometimes holds me back.
I LOVE this posting and plan to re-read it often. It can help me overcome that Mr. Perfect gremlin!