Feeling busy, busy, busy with everything but your creative work? Are you not completing projects you’ve committed to?
It could be time to shore up boundaries that are easily breached. This is especially true for women, for whom connection and relationship can seem more important than our own work.
Honoring boundaries feels good
I had to create some serious boundaries last winter in order to focus on finishing my novel. Saying no in order to say yes to my work was uncomfortable at first.
Then it started to feel good. The more I focused on my work, the less concerned I was about refusing requests. People understood that I needed to stave off distractions during this time.
I sense you squirming and even protesting. ‘I can’t say no! I don’t want to be rude.’ We fear that saying ‘no’ makes us look like a bitch.
But here’s the secret: the people who cherish you will respect you more for it.
But when we let others violate our boundaries, we permit them to leach away our vital creative energy. You wouldn’t sit calmly by while someone stuck his hand in your purse and took whatever he wanted, would you?
Treat your time, energy and attention with as much mindfulness and protectiveness as you do your physical assets.
The worst thing about giving in for others’ sake is the awful sense of self-betrayal we feel when we allow our precious energy to be drained away because of weak commitments.
How firm are your boundaries? Share what works for you in a comment below.
Next week, I’ll write about specific boundaries and how to shore them up.
In the meantime, practice noticing which boundaries are working and which ones are not.
Mary-Michael says
May 24, 2011 at 2:25 pmLord Almighty! Busy being busy seems to be my middle name sometimes. I am always astonished at how important it is for me to organize my file drawer when I have some creative project lying around! It is a challenge to stay focused sometimes. I write down on a notepad what I want to get accomplished (i.e. finishing cutting out such and such project) give myself a time limit, time myself and get going. I need the structure I suppose. This has been working well for me lately. As well, I put a big “DO NOT ENTER” sign on my workshop door so I am free to concentrate on my work. Thanks so much for the post…hits home, really hard!
Cynthia Morris says
May 27, 2011 at 9:08 amMary-Michael,
It sounds like you’ve got a system that’s working for you – great! We do the filing and cleaning, etc, because it’s known and easier. Creating involves being outside the known and sometimes we’re too uncomfortable to deal.
Glad this resonates with you and hope you have more and more fun creating!
Kim Bruce says
January 31, 2014 at 1:49 pmBoundaries are really important especially if you work from home like I do. It’s just too easy to open email and answer the phone after regular business hours. Then before you know it you’re talking to someone about their website at 8:00PM on a Saturday night.
Now I turn off the phone ringer so I can’t hear it and started using an autoresponder to tell people I got the message and will respond first thing the next business day.
It’s not so much people expecting instant answers, most don’t (bust some do), it’s the internal voice that says “someone needs me and I better be there for them”, that wears you down. In the end it’s more about self respect and creating boundaries that you’re willing to keep.
Cynthia Morris says
February 3, 2014 at 8:03 amKim,
I’m so glad you have shored up those boundaries! I know that feeling of work encroaching on everything. It’s a plus and a minus of being self-employed.
Because of my coach training and my early awareness of ‘work/life balance’ I put some boundaries in place right away:
I don’t answer the phone outside of normal work hours. That scenario you described – Saturday night call – is a nightmare to me!
I don’t respond to work emails on the weekends, and I let my clients know this.
What I’ve found is that people actually respect you more when you establish boundaries, and it trains them to make their own. All around a healthy practice!
Thanks for sharing your experience going from saggy boundaries to solid ones. I am happy for you!